Written by Andrelyn Izquierdo.
An article of a sexual violence victim's point of view on silence vs speaking up along with some advice using current personal experiences.
Image by Christopher Ross from Pixabay.
Living in a life saturated with sexual violence does not mean I have to believe what my attackers think, say, or portray me as. And neither do you as a victim.
A sex trafficker, rapist, offender, and everyone else who abuses will continue to blame you for their actions. They'll use reverse psychology to flip the scenario back onto you as the attacker instead as if you violated them even though you as the victim is the only one with the bruises, scrapes, cuts, and other marks made by the attacker. The lying will not stop and will be used to try to make you doubt yourself. This is a manipulative tactic that is commonly used individually AND as a group regardless of how large the group is.
Image by Irina from Pixabay.
Think Before You Speak?
To stay silent is what they want and will try to keep encouraging you to do so. Offenders use both verbal and nonverbal body language to encourage more silence or even with threats. An example of nonverbal body language is when they'll keep pursing their lips tightly together to keep trying to discourage you to speak. An abuser loves silence especially when there's a group involved. Usually when something benefits them instead of you, it is smarter to do the opposite. Change up the odds by speaking up for yourself. Do this by speaking up against the attacker. There's the option of using your online presence to speak out in hopes to reach more people who can help or relate. Tell a friend or family member. In this case, silence is not golden. Your words leave a trail that a willing person doing the right thing will eventually follow. Choosing to talk can help you stay alive and will help you survive.
Image by Public Domain Pictures from Pixabay.
What Can Happen?
When a person tries to defend herself (or himself because there are male victims out there too)...
Traffickers lose money when a victim speaks and can send more people to attack.
A rapist gets sexually frustrated from being forced to stay away while the victim states not wanting any sexual activity at all and can become more obsessive.
An abuser will become angrier and escalate the method and amount of violence being used against the victim.
It may be dangerous to speak up and speak out. It is safe not to make assumptions about the risk. But it is a way to help prevent at least some damage being done to you because the ones who are scared and in some cases, have a lot more to lose will back off even if it's temporary. When dealing with the more violent bunch, the damage they can potentially inflict can be mitigated by having a chat with someone. The bonus is that some victims are lucky to receive help as a result.
Image by Public Domain PNG from Pixabay.
Choose to Report?
Usually, an organization or other person would encourage you to call the police, but I cannot advocate for an action that has led me to become more assaulted since it's happened by authorities to me too. I will not set you up for failure, but you'll still receive a notification. In the case of an emergency, call 911 or not. Call a State or National Hotline or not. That is your choice to make IF your situation allows it because not everyone has a choice. Being put on hold can be challenging when your safety is at risk. It can seem tricky answering the question that they first ask when you're stuck in a certain place, "Are you in a safe place?" All you can do is try your best.
In my experience, I've called several hotlines and have gotten nowhere. No pick up, no call back, and even hung up on. Where does all of the money from donations go if they do not even utilize the phone numbers that they give you? I have no idea. Excuse the side rant. But I'll go further into this in another article breaking down which "help lines" pick up the phone and what they've done if they have done anything at all. This is not a statement of discouragement. It is only a message stating the truth as I've been making several phone calls over the years. Providing you with reality is a good thing.
Besides what was mentioned above with calling, many hotlines have a text number and/or live chat feature. Yes, there is also the option of reporting online as well if you do not feel like speaking or cannot. Google has been the quickest way for me to obtain this information. If you are unsure of what your situation is considered to figure out which phone number to call, you can check out their website first. Again, that is if time allows. If it's in the middle of an emergency, then you may want to skip this step. Another recommendation is writing an email to local politicians to see if someone will connect you to a resource or point you in the right direction. Maybe you'll find one that will help elevate your voice and speak up for you in their area. Stay tuned for a reference call list coming up soon.
One of the benefits of choosing to report is the sense of empowerment you'll feel by doing so. There's something about taking charge and putting control into your hands by being proactive in doing something to protect yourself that exudes positivity even in the midst of chaos. One cannot take this step until ready though. Sometimes you don't know when you're ready until you try it also. I'll forewarn you though, this does not guarantee a result in the realm of sexual violence. But do keep going. Persistence will lead you to something or someone that is a helpful resource.
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Inspired by my true story.
This article is written by:
Andrelyn Izquierdo
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