Written by Andrelyn Izquierdo.
Journaling about my life as I write down reflections of behavioral trends that create bad habits.
WARNING: This article contains sensitive content and may be found offensive or triggering to some people. If for any reason you are not ready to see details on the subject of sexual violence, feel free to move on and come back when you are ready. It is also recommended that you view this with a friend or family member for emotional support if you've just had a negative experience with sexual violence.
Image by Pexels from Pixabay.
It's so silly to be obsessed with a person especially after being rejected. I'm surrounded by a bunch of assholes every single day no matter where I go who refuse my words filled with rejection. Countless death threats, rape, molestation, sabotage, vandalism, and the more just keeps going on. It doesn't end. It's been years that people have normalized it to a game of making bets, laughing around me as they make stupid comments about how they want to call me crazy. Obsession that leads to stalking and more sexual crimes is very dangerous. It becomes an obsessive compulsive disorder to not leave me alone that's spiked with jealousy to drive these men mad.
They get off on torturing me in any which way possible. My car could possibly be a transformer with the amount of people who keep vandalizing it, trashing it, and adding more nonsense to it to make it worse. These disgusting guys refuse to take the hint. They do not value my life at all. It's as if they asked a bartender for a gin and tonic swirled with rage fueled by a broken heart with unjustifiable requests. My body is violated by eyes, hands, and penises constantly. Each day, I pray to God wondering when I will have my day to live freely as in not bothered by so many people who pretend to love me and have no idea what the word is.
I've been surrounded by belts, chains, yells, people stealing my panties from bathrooms, and multiple people trying to hit my car or frame it in a way for me to be at fault in an accident. For someone who has a boring life would find this exciting, but I'm so sick of how I'm treated by the majority of the population. If only that were an exaggeration. I wonder what a world would look and sound like if people actually listened to me. Betrayed by various uniforms, police lying to give an excuse to give me a ticket, thieves stealing my vital documents, and friends who have turned into sex-crazed idiots.
No matter what I say, I'm not listened to. Every time I speak, people think they can get away with talking down to me without hearing my mouth. No no...if anything I'm going to keep speaking until I cannot anymore. They keep strangling me any chance they get. I've had objects shoved into my body to discourage me from speaking up. I've had countless threats of how many people view me as a slave for their own selfish sexual favors.
It seems like a chapter taken out of the Bible where the Virgin Mary was being walked to her execution carrying a scarlet letter as people throw veggies and fruits at her forcing her to walk down to the stage naked. How could the Virgin Mary be accused of being a homewrecker and a slut at the same time? Doesn't make any sense right? How does a woman who had married the man she gave her virginity to many years ago and live her life faithfully devoted to him for over 2 decades be called a slut for her entire marriage? How does the world think they can have rights to seeing my body naked and having access to the insides of my body whenever they feel like it without my consent or degrade my life to becoming nonexistent for absolutely no reason of wrongdoing at all. Who in the world has given these people permission to make decisions over my life? I just don't get it.
These people have a shared obsession over me to the point that they've created an organized system to rape, torture, and keep trying to kill me. Obsession is a disease that takes over the entire body and drives a person to the point of insanity if they don't stop what they are doing to me. This is how I'm treated every day. I've lost count how many jobs I have worked where I have been sexually harassed or groped during my shift. Let alone afterwards when I am followed or worse. My emergency situation that I've been trying to save my life each day has turned into a comedy fest full of bullshit rumors and revealing some really fucked up people. The excuses that I've heard over time in the media about how "the system" is at fault for people not receiving needed resources or access to safety is nonsense. It's not the system. It's people who are the problem. People who are connected to more bad people who want bad things to happen to good people. It does fall down onto the bad versus the good. The barebone basics of living in a civilized society. One does not exist if one cannot recognize that there is a good and there is a bad. In this case, I'm talking about people.
I will label myself as the good person because I have people lying on my name every day. Forget that even...they're trying to change my name, my personality, the way I dress, my lifestyle, my friendships, my family dynamics, my value system, my beliefs, my religion. I mean...you name it, it's in there. So many people are trying to control me and for every time I say the word, "No," they call me crazy or try to "punish" me. Punish me for what? I have no idea. And why would I need a punishment in the first place? And since when did rape become a legalized legitimate form of punishment? Or threats of disassembling my body? What the hell has happened to people? I feel like I'm in the twilight zone.
My body has been changing constantly the more damage that I'm receiving each day. At least my mind is still intact because if it weren't, I really would have no idea where I would be at right now. Honestly. I have always been able to recognize abuse and different forms of it. But never would I have thought that I were being human trafficked. After doing research online and through reading different books over the years all the while experiencing an astronomical amount of fraud, harassment, and sexual violence, I cannot believe that what I have to endure has worsened instead of get better. For a moment, I really thought my goal of building the foundations of a safe haven with my life protected so I can move it on up to having a family and achieving the opportunity to experience what living a free life was happening. Holy moley was I wrong!
This wave of obsession that I keep referring to has taken over as if a dense fog has set upon people having them roam around blindly to anything that I do or say with complete ignorance. Not only that, the word fidelity seems to have been removed from the vocabulary. I feel like an alien with how I've been practicing love throughout my life. I've only given myself completely to 1 man in my life. I don't believe in dating. I'm also heterosexual as how I was born, raised, and have been living. The main problem is that I've been drowning in sexual violence MY WHOLE LIFE. While I haven't been able to get out of it, every time I experience someone violating me, I'm accused yet again of somehow cheating, being a slut, or whatever else they want to say about me to put the blame on me. While I don't care about what people think of me. It does place a huge obstruction to my life when they keep throwing up roadblocks in my way for everything that I want to do.
Jealousy is a sickness. Lying is a poison. Combine that and you have an obsession that escalates into something nasty. Talk about a downward spiral. The sickos won't leave me alone. The sad part about it is that it's a problem that's preventable. It can be intervened at any time. the person just has to take the initiative in putting in the work to fix it. When a person is jealous of another, that jealousy stems from an internalized insecurity of their own self. All they are doing is taking their own self hatred and throwing it onto someone else who may claim it. Thank goodness I don't listen to people or follow stupidity. If I were a follower, I'd be in big trouble right now. Instead, I choose to pave my own path and lead my own way even if it's not what anyone else is doing because I don't believe in jealousy. I hate liars. I don't believe in obsessing to the point that I cannot make jokes about that anymore playing around with friends.
The one thing I know is that I love honesty. In everything that I do, I try to be as honest as possible so that way the person can be honest with me. Still practicing the treat others as I want to be treated. So that's what I do. People hate my honesty. And that's where I have to not care about what they think. Someone will come along who is honest to me as well. Lying can be gross and causes a lot of problems. Dealing with all of this sexual violence, I just don't have time for the tangled web of lies so why have to put up with it, right?! Jealousy is nonsense to me. It's very petty. From my professional experience working with children and their developmental milestones, we're supposed to learn how not to be jealous at a very young age. It's during the beginning of trying to practice socializing. How do adults still have this problem? Well, they're just downright stupid. There's no excuses for it. It displays an ugly personality that people aren't attracted to and don't want to be around. Then that person becomes more self conscious and behaves more erratically doing more stupid stuff. Why choose to be that way? I'd rather want to keep trying to live my life reaching my arms out towards a freedom as if I could reach a star in the sky and keep it as a lucky charm.
Usually, one would refer to one or a couple of people having to come across someone with these issues. I happen to keep bumping into more and more each day. It's a disappointment because I had higher hopes for people. The new trend is to celebrate stupid and live like ravaging selfish oversexualized pricks who don't know what rules are anymore. I refuse to live this way. It's like taking five steps back continuously going backwards instead of progressing into something more. So I choose to fight and will continue fighting for my life as in standing up for myself and speaking out.
Keep in mind to not obsess over another person to the point of doing something you may regret. Choose to like or move on. Choose honesty instead of lying. And be good to yourself instead of projecting a self dislike into envy. These are better ways to live life and stay strong.
#obsession #sexualviolence #sexualassault #stalking #lying #jealousy #EndRape #speakup #standup #speakout #UnseenFortitude #empowerment #blog
Inspired by my true story.
This article is written by:
Andrelyn Izquierdo
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