Written by Andrelyn Izquierdo.
A guide displaying steps from my personal experience on how to successfully cope with sexual assault and pick up the pieces that people tend to steal from you.
Image by grafik45 from Pixabay.
While everyone is different and this can be a beast of a subject, I want to focus on the one thing victims lose during a sexual assault encounter – control. It can feel like your whole world has turned upside down and a swarm of helplessness with the overwhelming waves of "Nos" crashing your way. You are not alone. But it doesn't have to be that way. There are ways to regain some control back little by little into your life as you grab onto the reigns of those wild horses to pull them into your pace (timing or schedule), road (route), and newly arranged destination (results).
Image by Free Vector Images from Pixabay.
Schedule Timing is everything as all that will be added into your planner may seem critical to be completed right away. There's good and bad news about this. Let's get the bad news out of the way first. There are really no excused absences for the abused nor special exceptions. And if by chance, you do find one, there's going to be a request for a police report to be displayed. Man, that can sound so daunting. And if you've been through this process before, then you have an understanding that it can be almost impossible at times with an unnecessarily drawn out time frame that won't suit the rest of your schedule.
But wait, there is the good news. Take a deep breath. This is your time to grab onto that control again. You are the maker of your schedule. While you may have to sacrifice more of what you would like to do, your credit score may suffer, and you'll be stuck doing most of the work on your own, you can still make it. Set your most wanted goals that align with your path of healing for that 2-in-1 effect because you are most important at this time. Focus on you. If friends and family do not understand, they will have to go to the side for now. There are many ways to get your schedule in order. Work on a daily/weekly to-do list, purchase a planner at the store, or utilize the digital calendar apps available on your technological device. Some examples of these apps are:
iCal for iPhone (default app that comes with the phone already)
Google Calendar
Outlook Calendar (feature within the email app)
There are more for you to use. These are the examples that I have used that may be essential for you. The issue I have had with digital calendars is that they can be edited by more advanced threats, such as people deleting your events. For me, a to-do list works. It has morphed over some time as I am dealing with very layered sexual violence and human trafficking tough situations. Here is a generalized template example I have created that you are welcome to use for yourself. Some sections are specific to help provide you some ways you can help yourself get ahead.
Image by Free Vector Images from Pixabay.
Route
It's time to allow yourself some choices even when there's entrapment involved. Do choose to steer your feet to the path closest to where you need to get to. Don't let your situation stay as the tangled web that is meant to set you up for failure. Move those strands one by one by focusing on income to pay off debt chunks at a time, invest more time in your individual healing process with self-care, acquire more necessities for you to be more successful, and learn more about the cycle that is harming you in order to problem solve better. As time goes by, you will find that your solutions can be everchanging while your path winds and narrows instead of keeping straight forward.
Photo by Open Clipart Vectors from Pixabay.
Results
I'll be honest with you, this is going to be the most frustrating part of your journey. There will be temptations to create shortcuts, but that is not going to be the best answer for you. It will take lots of hard work and it'll seem like there is no time for anything else. Don't worry because you've got this. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Even if you have to take two steps back, there is always forward. Hold that destination in mind. Have a short and long trip in mind at the same time as if you're a moving piece on two sides of a board game. Track your progress. Keep making phone calls. Use multiple forms of communication to resource centers and needed facilities. There are options to call, email, live chat, snail mail, and go in person. Each place varies with how they function with oppressive practices. From my personal experience, I've achieved better results by going in person and email. There's two parts to evaluate using these methods:
1. There is having success submitting an inquiry or application in which verification is immediately given when complete. Record the times in which you've made contact with the employees along with their name and location/address.
2. The second part to this evaluation is receiving a response. It is easier to track responses or lack there of in these methods that are verifiable compared to the other ways. There can still be issues. Email doesn't always go through and you may not have access to a technological device at times. There is also not receiving a response in which you will have to resend an email or try again. Don't give up. Persistence is key as well as consistency. Since consistency is not always available on your end, it is supposed to be on their end. If it's not, then you have grounded your feet into a reason to be persistent and pester them as much as possible for an answer.
On the phone, it is very common for them not to answer, call you back, or loop you through different departments to eat away at your much needed time. Wait times can make you want to throw your phone too. Hang in there. If you do not have access to a phone, use the library as a resource for their computers. A library card is free or you can get a guest pass. Find the customer service desk and they should be able to help you with this. Libraries with multiple floors may have a service desk on each floor. Look around and ask questions. Don't be shy. Either way, you can gain access to the internet to search for contact info and make your communications.
Grasping onto control is much needed in coping with a sexual assault event. The sooner you act, the sooner your healing process activates. Everyone is different so don't put too much pressure on yourself. I tend to have no patience in this part for there isn't too much time in transitioning between abusive events for me unfortunately. But I do make time for myself and do not regret a second of it. There is still a possibility of having happy and productive moments within chaotic situations that dim down the suffering from multiple sessions of abuse.
Here's to looking on the brighter side. Hope this helps.
Please #becareful and try to #besafe.
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Inspired by my true story.
This article is written by:
Andrelyn Izquierdo
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